America's Epidemic

I should probably be doing homework right now, but the Steelers are on and I am thoroughly engrossed with a new book I just picked up. "Republic, Lost:  How Money Corrupts Congress -- and a Plan to Stop It," by Lawrence Lessig has to be one of the best works of political criticism I have read in a while.  From what I have gathered so far, the author shows no sign of bias and is completely objective, or as objective as one can be, with his argument.  Moreover, he cites ideas stemming from Libertarian, Conservative, and Liberal ideologies.  I am pretty sure this only works because the issue at hand is grand and impacts all sides of the political spectrum. Still, I finally feel there is someone out there with a sound head on his shoulders.

But this isn't just about the book; it's about something the author touches on, something that I personally have strong convictions for.  This has to do with our obesity epidemic and its correlation to the government subsidies that perpetually exacerbate the woes our country finds itself in today.  Archer Daniels Midland (ADM) is one of the country's biggest agricultural companies. It is a conglomerate of organizations that handles the production and supply of foods such as grain, rice, corn, and other products.  In 2009, their total revenues exceeded $69 billion. According to a Cato Institute study by James Bovard called, "Archer Daniels Midland: A Case Study in Corporate Welfare," at least 43 percent of those profits are from products "heavily subsidized or protected by the American Government."    What does this mean?  Well it means thanks to tariffs imposed by our government to protect American production of certain goods that on top of it, are subsidized by us, the tax payers, ADM is able to produce foods such as high fructose corn syrup at low costs.

Have you ever wondered why you see a link between obesity and individuals in low socioeconomic classes?  That's because our government assists in the production of cheap foods that are extremely pernicious to our health.  Now anything in moderation is fine, in my personal opinion, but here we have a nation that consumes prodigious amounts of foods thanks to the economic distortions committed by our government.  Moreover, not only does the cheap production of corn allow for an abundance of soda pop, chips, and gum drops, but it also increases the ability to feed more cattle on large industrialized farms.  So while government subsidies kill off the smaller farms, we also continue to feed cows more corn.  Cows evolved to ingest grass, not corn, and while they try to digest it, they also become victims of bacteria brewing inside their stomachs.  But don't worry, we can just fix this by increasing the amount of antibiotics we feed our cattle.

Wait a second, isn't there reason why doctors don't prescribe antibiotics to us every single time we have a cough or a cold? Yes, there is, and that is because the more antibiotics we take, the more we encourage the development of drug resistant diseases.  Did you ever wonder why e-coli is such a big problem if all of these animals are taking antibiotics? 

Not only do we have a market that allows individuals to consume price distorted, unhealthy products, but we are also more at risk for disease.  You may think that I am just some health nut who wants everyone to be healthy. Well, you're right, I am.  But there is more to it.  What happens when we have the health issues we do, especially the ones that are encouraged by the recent obesity "epidemic?"  They impact the health care system, and thus increase the cost of it.

So while everyone sits here moaning about health care, maybe we should take some preemptive steps to mitigate our dependency on the drugs and doctors.  Maybe we should encourage policy that eradicates this corporate welfare, policy that will allow foods to be produced at an actual market price, and give a fair chance to goods that are truly beneficial to our health. 

For those of you who align with the Democrats or the Republicans, I respect the fact that you choose to be politically active.  But these subsidies are the result of both parties being easily swayed by lobbyists on Capitol Hill. Now there is a difference between campaign contributions and straight bribery, but even without an obvious agreement of quid pro quo, it still occurs due to a gift based system of reciprocity.  Think about it, a friend gets you something, and even though they say its no big deal, you are socially bonded to the norm that something must be given back in order to show gratitude. And that's what happens on Capitol Hill. Subconsciously or not, we remember favors. 

Now I do not believe our government consists of a bunch of evil people who reap the wealth while all of us get  sick.  That is ludicrous, and if you know anyone that thinks that you should probably slap them. It is a simple as this, our leaders are good people.  They all, or at least, most of them got involved because they cared, because they wanted to make America a better place.  But we have a system that is corrupt, and no matter who enters that system, the corruption will take over.  It's similar to how many of us become dependent on family at times of need. It’s all a matter of how things are structured, and where the power lays. 

I believe in our government and I believe in this countries foundation and ideals.  We have potential to become a nation full of brilliant, hardworking individuals that follow the cause of our founding fathers.  We have enough wealth to make this world, our world, a better place.  But before we go off and try fixing problems that you can't fix with guns and bombs, let’s take care of the issues we face at home first.  Only then can we be true leaders within this global civilization.

Okay, that's it, that's my rant.

Enjoy your Week,

Best wishes,

Mark

The Magic of Reading

One thing stands out whenever I think about my childhood.  I have this memory where I'm laying in bed next to my mother.  We were both under her big white quilt.  I had to be about 4 years old.  She was reading to me.  Slowly, so I could follow along and learn the words.  She would turn each page and go through it with gusto unparalleled by anything I saw on the television.  I remember this one book.  The tittle alludes me, but the images glowed in the dark. I thought it was the greatest thing. She would always keep it open underneath her lamp all day, so whenever night came, I would be able to enjoy its magic. Pages were literally lighting up in front of my eyes.  My imagination took flight.

Now, for a large part of my life I didn't have much guidance.  My parents raised me, they clothed me, fed me, took care of me when I was sick, but at times where I think it was very important, they weren't there.  But something was,  my parents gave me something, something that has the ability to change one's life.  All those nights my mother spent reading to me, she was teaching me as well.  And without those nights, I wouldn't be who I am today.

The power of reading could be captured, I'm sure, with a million different words. But in my personal opinion there are no words that can truly capture its magnificence. For it has the ability to heal, to make someone laugh, to teach a lesson.  It has the ability to persuade, to change you, to make you remember, to make you forget.  It has the ability to bring peace to any soul. It brings a satisfaction, a sense of knowing, by making shapes out of the foggy world we live in. Through reading, we find ground to stand on.   Through stories, we relate, we feel, we empathize. We become human.

I believe that whenever you read to a child, you give them an opportunity.  You grasp the world and you place it right within reach of their tiny hands. And in a sense you say to them, "The world is yours now. Go get it."  For all that has happened in my life, my parents did something that I will always be thankful for, they put the world right in front of me. That is the reason why I can stand here today, and say with a smile, that I feel on top of it.

In the end, all of my success stems from what they gave me. The time they dedicated, the love they shared. That is why one thing that  will always manage to put a spark in my step, a flame in my spirit, is whenever I see a man or woman intensely lost inside a book. The will to get lost in the pages and engage, to be apart of a different narrative, will always be one of the most quintessential aspects of the human experience.  And I dare say, if there ever comes a day where it stops, then I proclaim we have lost our humanity.

A Love of Photography

Ever since I "borrowed" my mother's camera when I moved up to college my freshman year, I began to kindle an affinity for the art of photography.  I suppose it makes sense, my mother's apartment is ridden with photos.  She truly does have an eye for it, moreover, she is an excellent artist all around.  But I feel like her love for snapshots must have drifted onto me, for I find myself viewing the world through lenses quite a bit, and I'm not just referring to my eyeglasses.

I thought I would share some of my most favorite photos.  You will see places, people, specifically my family, and events.

I hope you are enjoying this wonderful Autumn morning !

Best,


Mark

 

 I snapped this beauty back in 2009. It was around 1 am.  My good friend Geo and I left our hotel room to get in some last minute tourism.  Little did I know I would be back in the city in just a few years.

 

 I thought this was an awesome shot!  This was also back in 2009. The little guy is only a few months old.  It was taken at the Pittsburgh Zoo.  I believe it was around Thanksgiving.

 

These were some really nifty glass statues at Phipps Conservatory in Oakland, PA.  It actually was chosen as the Cover of the 2010 edition of the Tobeco Journal, Clarion University's Literary and Art Journal.

 

This little guy right here changed my life.  I remember when he was born.  I remember everything about the drive out to see my sister, brother-in-law, and new nephew, Angelo.  I even remember the exact gas station my mother had to stop at in order to fill up. This kid puts a smile on my face every time I see him.  He actually just entered kindergarten, so this shot is a bit dated.  Now the only obstacle is to convince my sister that she should let him come up and stay with me for a weekend!

 

This guy right here is my brother, Joseph.  I call him Jo Jo, or Ho Ho.  Not really sure why that ever came up. I just really enjoy the emotion of this photo.  The stark contrasts of light and dark remind me of a Baroque style painting. 

 Alright, so this bad boy was taken last summer whenever I had a fellowship down in D.C.  I lived right on capitol hill, so I would head out of my house every day, and within four blocks this wonderful building was staring right at me.  I caught this one afternoon while I was walking home from work. Again, I feel this might be my favorite style.

 This little chunky monkey is my adorable little niece Sophia! She is the youngest of my sister's kids, but my god can she eat, scream, and go through diapers.  My sister told me that she reminded her of myself when I was that age.  When I asked why, I got a glare.  I imagine it had something to do with me being a pain.

 I took this photo around 5 am, this past winter, at Daytona Beach. I didn't have my camera, so I was forced to use the cheapness of instagram.  Still, I feel it turned out pretty neat!  This was a great trip, I will never forget it. I went down there with some of my best buds, Alex, Greg, Jo, Ashley, and Andy.  Side story, our car broke down the night before we were supposed to come home.  The date? Friday the 13th.......

 This was a candid shot of my best bud Pat's and his wife Val's dog, Bella.  Easter morning, 2012. 

 

Here is Olivia, the middle child. This was taken when she was about 1.  Now she's about to be 4, and I find myself having arguments with her. She is way too much like my sister.

 This photo was taken on the day of the Stanley Cup victory parade. I am actually surprised it turned out so well.  It was just a quick glance and shot, but I lucked out for sure!  The Mellon, or, Civic Arena, no longer stands.  So this is a shot of a now long gone skyline.

The summer after my freshman year, my cousin Alex and I went to visit his older brother Joey down in Palm Beach, Florida.  It was a great week. We did a whole bunch of awesome stuff, including skydiving.  But the morning we were leaving I woke up extra early and stepped out onto his balcony.  The inlet was calm, the sun was rising, and there was just one lonely fisherman out on the water.  Perfect timing.

Hope you all enjoyed!

Why You Should Enjoy Life

In my last post, "Metaphysics and Day-Quil," I went over the idea of how this world can be a crazy and chaotic place.  How at the end of the day you can find a million different groups of people who are all convinced that their view on their world, their understanding of it, is the only way.

Listen, you could spend your whole entire life analyzing every single little detail of where you need to be, and how you need to get there, but truth be told, these little details will not make you happy.  What will make you truly happy is something unique to yourself.  Now, I am not blatantly saying that one should simply do what makes them happy, for this could obviously justify plenty of immoral acts.  But you need to follow your own passions, and to do that, you need to find out who you want to be, not who other people think you should be.

Trust me, I spent a good bit of last year dating someone who wanted me to change, and baby, after that ended, I ripped back like the incredible hulk. Since then I have never been better.  So if you are someone that works hard and enjoys the little things about your life, than the big things will follow with greater satisfaction than if you went chasing a dream that wasn't your own.

Yes, some days you will wake up and life will suck.  Sure, you may want to punch people in the face.  Heck, you may get punched yourself, literally and metaphorically.  But you have to roll with them.  And yea, I know these words are cliche, but they stand this way for a reason. Doors close, doors open, whether it be by the hand of some divine being, or a simple happening in a chaotic world, find reason for yourself, and grasp on. If you don't you will never make it.

It's funny, in today's world, specifically our nation, we are literally sold on the idea of happiness. Every way you look, someone or something is trying to get you to spend your money with the premise that it will improve whatever position you may find yourself in.  Consumerism isn't evil, but your life shouldn't focus around things, rather these things you buy should focus around your life.  They should improve your ability to follow what really matters.

Think about this, when was the last time you woke up and enjoyed the smell of freshly mown grass?  When was the last time you listened to a thunderstorm while laying inside your bed and reading a book? When was the last time you held a child in your arms, slowly rocked it to sleep, set it down, and laid a kiss upon it's forehead? When was the last time you gave someone a hug, a high five, or shared a beer with a bud at the bar? When was the last time you walked a girl home, gave her a kiss goodnight, and smiled from ear to ear?  When was the last time you fell but had someone to catch you?  When was the last time you gave to those who were in need ? When was the last time you told your mother you loved her? And your father that you looked up to him?  That you hoped you made him proud ?

 Now think about those moments, and how at the time, nothing else mattered.  In fact, time itself was the furthest thing from your mind.  These are the moments of true happiness.  These fleeting glimpses throughout our transient lives, these are the things you should focus on.

Stop looking at the clock and take the time to lose yourself within it. 


At the end of the day be yourself.  We are not all going to be driving Lamborghini's or have models for wives, but we can all find a place we call home. And that's what will make us truly happy.



It must be mentioned that a good friend, Tobias Siegler, co-authored.

Best,


Mark

What's Wrong with Ayn Rand: A Libertarian's View

Today was like any other day.  I got up rather early, ate some eggs and toast, took a shower, brushed my teeth, and walked to class.  Per usual, I popped onto one of my preferred news sites, reason.com, a Libertarian magazine.  I have and always will be somewhat moderate, but a lot of my views, I suppose, in terms of constitutional law, economic, and natural liberty itself, stems from Libertarian politics.  But there is one thing I can't stand, I suppose one person I can't stand, and that is Ayn Rand.

Now don't get me wrong, I hold great respect for her as a writer and as a thinker of her time, but I do not respect her philosophy toward empathy and altruism , particularly for her uninhibited tirade that they are what's wrong with society today. See, what I like about Libertarian politics is that it holds you, the individual, to be responsible for yourself.  But what I dislike about Rand's philosophical statement is that it claims we must live solely for our-self, and by doing so, we are behaving morally.  In my opinion, this is complete bull.  Don't worry, I'll give you my reason.

The fundamentals of capitalism and our "market economy" is that we must have entrepeunurs who are able to act within their free will to harvest and utilize scarce economic resources to produce a good or service for the population.  By doing so, the market stays happy, people have freedom, and so on. Well, this economic ideal and philosophy suffers from the same fallacies that something such as socialism suffers from, it proposes one all encompassing view for how the world should operate.  The truth is everyone is different, some are good, some are bad, some are greedy, some are giving, and heck, all of us may truly be innocent in the end.  Our behavior is part biological and part environmentally conditioned.  No matter what,  you'll never be able to squeeze everyone into one box.  The world doesn't work like that.

Furthermore, while I feel like we should all be responsible for our actions, I also accept the idea that in the end we are all in this together.  Think about it, if I started a company that ended up making one billion dollars within it's first year of operation, who do I owe this to? I owe it to the individuals who helped me run the company, but most importantly, I owe it to the society of which I live in, the economy of which we are all dependent on.  Without someone to consume, I have nothing to sell.  Moreover, both socially, ethically, and emotionally, we all experience life through each other. While the experience is ours, it is also shared.

Besides that, people should be careful about the idea that altruism and empathy are signs of weakness.  One of the most quintessential factors that helped elevate our species over anything else was the development of social morality.  Research has shown that oxytocin, a neuro chemical within our brain, has been and still is, heavily linked to the development of proper social behavior. To be succinct, we are programmed to receive and give care for another.  We are programed to be moral.  I would recommend checking out, " Braintrust: What Neuroscience Tells us About Morality," by Dr. Patricia S. Churchland, if you're interested in the subject.

Also, I feel people should look more into why Ayn Rand portrayed such behavior and held such ideas.  She came from a rather dark and cold place.  During the Bolshevik Revolution in Russia, poverty and violence ran amok, propagated by the cause of communism and state control. Then all of the sudden she comes to America during the roaring 1920's. In some ways, it had to be like finding heaven on earth. It's no wonder she had such a extreme view.

Her personal life and legacy are all very interesting. So if you're curious, check out a very thorough, objective history of Ayn Rand by Dr. Jennifer Burns, "Goddess of the Market: Ayn Rand and the American Right." Dr. Burns does an excellent job at creating a narrative which identifies the various factors of influence in her life.

So long for today.


Best,


Mark

Metaphysics and Day-Quil

It’s a Tuesday morning, it’s raining, I’m sick with a wonderful head and chest cold, pumped full of day-quill, and I am sitting in my business statistics class.  Don’t worry, it hasn’t started yet.  I’m a good student, I swear.  

Even though I am in a technical based class, I can’t seem to quench my thirst of wanting to examine the abstract nature of the world. I blame the “non-drowsy” medicine. 

Here it goes.

Throughout my undergraduate career I started to realize, in a lot of ways, knowledge and certain truths themselves are merely subject to circumstances.  “The times they are a changing,” is how Dylan captured the shift in American identity throughout the mid-20^th century, but these words stand true for all corners of history.  Understanding this grand scheme of how things perpetually change contradicts the fact that we as humans, as we age, grow, live, and build, become rather righteous in our beliefs.  We hold strong to what our time has declared as a certain truth, we discover the paragons of morality that will drive us forward, but at the same time, these once novel means of progression become shackles of decline. This is a rather odd paradox, but I suppose all paradoxes are odd, hence the word. Still, why is this?  Why do we seek knowledge? What is the point of it?  What constitutes it?  Well I firmly believe the pursuit of grasping the unknown is one of the fundamental aspects of existence.  In opinion, without the unknown, we do not exist.

I believe the issue of not understanding something in the first place is what continues to usher humanity forward.  Think about it, if we knew everything, all truths no matter the circumstance, what was going to happen one minute into the future, 2 weeks from today, or 10 centuries from now, what would be the reason for living?  By not knowing we experience, and through this event we exist.  So if we lived in a world where all would be known, needless of experience, would we even exist?  By not knowing we are forced to take action, and again by taking action, we exist, create, and we live.  The body and mind becomes a mirror reflecting what we’ve seen and thought onto the world. 

Moreover, what constitutes existence?  People say it’s all empirical, that if we can’t feel, see, study, or hear it, then it must not truly exist.  Others claim it’s about rationality, that we are able to deduce the realities of the world with the shrewd ability of our mind; premises stacking up against premises creating logical conclusions.  I disagree with anyone who claims one or the other is solely true.  There are numerous concepts and ideas within the world that are not visible, but yet encouraged one’s actions.  Furthermore, recent studies in moral psychology and philosophy have opined that rationality itself stems from our intuition, which to an extent, is bias based off of our own personal needs and physiological makeup.  (If you’re interested in reading more about this topic, check out any work by Jonathan Haidt, specifically, The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided Over Religion and Politics)

 If you think about it, if something is within our lexicon, our modern dictionary of words, then it by all means exists.  For example, the fact that people believe in the idea of god means they, in some way, act upon the idea of his existence.  And if by taking action, we exist, then any idea that creates action and experience, must exist to a degree as well. So if a person builds a church in the name of a god, that church is a reflection of an idea.  That reflection leaves an imprint upon our world. It affects the individuals who live around it, their values, actions, and belief systems.  It even impacts their economy.

 Another example would be ghosts.  While many may not believe in ghosts, the idea exists itself, and some people fear that idea.  That fear causes action. Now whether or not you feel that action is irrational or not, is relevant, to a degree, but the point here is that these people hold these beliefs.  They exist within the paradigm of our reality, and we interact and live through them.  Therefore, they exist.

This is what makes me smile when I think about people like Richard Dawkins.  The man is a well-received atheist and in some ways, I agree with his concern about how religious dogma has the ability to create a close-minded view on the world, which can lead to pernicious results.  But still, he is utterly convinced that there is no such thing as god.  Yet, if everything above holds true, than to a degree, god does exist. And moreover, Dawkins, the world-renowned atheist, is making a living operating within the paradigm of his/her existence.  

I think no matter what, anytime someone is utterly sure, I tend to be less convinced.  I think the only true thing we can say is that something occurs within the world that makes us believe.  It gives us passion, faith, and a million of other ideas that continue to impact the world.  Let’s call this the human experience. 

In the end though, nothing will ever stand as powerful as an idea.  For while we will all eventually die, one of the few truths we know of, our ideas will live on.  They will burn on in myriads of different shapes and forms; songs, books, morals and laws.   They are our greatest creations, for they assist in creating everything else.  But it is important to note, the reason why the world is as chaotic as it appears to be sometimes is in fact because there will always be an infinite amount of contradicting ideas out there that will continue to create action.  Throughout this action, we exist. 

Have a wonderful Tuesday.

Best wishes,

Mark

PS - Non-Drowsy my ass.

Tuesday Slaughterhouse Madness

First off, chewing pretzels with a cold sucks.  You can not breath.

Okay. Now to the point.

One of my summer jobs was at a slaughterhouse.  It was owned by my biological father.  Now there is an interesting specimen.  The fact that I come from him, terrifies me. This man is in his late 40's, acts like he's a co-star on the Jersey Shore, and literally has a mail-order girlfriend from Russia.  It's not normal. But anyways, I worked at his slaughterhouse.  It consisted of 2 am to 4 pm shifts, every day.  Life sucked.

One of the few highlights of my job though was hanging out with all of the animals.  There were goats, sheep, horses, cows, and even an alpaca. Although, that thing was a pain.  Every time I walked in to hustle the sheep to their eventual doom, where they would be turned into delicious gyros, that alpaca would make a fuss and scare all the other animals. 

But out of all the animals, there was this little cute adorable goat. I loved him. I named him Billie.  He always listened, and he would follow me around when I was within the gate.  Even the one time when there was a gap in the fence, Billie came out, stood there, and just looked at me.  When I came toward him, he went inside.  He was by far my favorite.

Well, here's the thing about the meat industry. It comes with some social liabilities.  If you work for it, one day you may come in and see Billie-the-goat's head on the floor.  The next second you may be shoveling it's guts into a barrel, and then sending it off so its fat can be used for make-up, soap, and candles.  Girl's I don't know if its true, but I know I freaked you out a bit. Ha.

God Bless the Meat Industry.

Pain, love, and belief.

Sometimes I find myself reflecting upon the past.  For me, there are a lot of powerful memories.  Some of them are simply amazing.  Memories of my father coming home from work and me jumping out of bed, rushing down the steps, and giving him a ginormous hug ! He had a certain scent of top soil, greenery, and Pall Mall lights. The man was my hero.  Everything about him, to me, was superhuman.  He was the funniest, the smartest, the strongest, he was the best.

These memories come flooding back to me, and even though they are happy, they are very painful. Some of you who know me have heard a little bit about my past.  Some of you might not know a thing.  But I can assure you I am not someone that tells this story to get pity  1.  I don't enjoy pitty. 2. Everyone goes through pain in life. And because of that, everyone must find a way to release it.  To let it go.  That is why I am writing about this, for every few weeks or so, I find myself with this pain.

I think I was about 10 or 11 when everything started to happen.  I know this because it was before September 11th, 2001.  Things started to change around my house.  My father came home much later at night, and my mother wasn't the usual spark of energy that she always was.  I was very young, so at the time things didn't really make sense to me.  Time just kinda ticked by until everything got a lot worse.

My father lost a very large sum of money thanks to his gambling problem.  My mother fell into a deep depression, where she contemplated suicide.  I remember her going to the hospital, but I think my sister and father covered it up.  They told me she was getting surgery for something.  It wasn't until much later in life that I realized this was a reoccurring story and event.  Either way, my father developed a pretty dark and destructive addiction to Oxycontin, a form of synthetic heroin.  And, hoping it would help numb the pain she was feeling, my mother decided to start taking it as well. That was the beggining of the fall.

By 2006 my father had been in jail and rehab, but was still up to no good.  I myself was never really in a good state of mind. For the past 6 years I lived in a world of chaos and confusion.  Nothing made sense, and this confusion manifested into your typical misbehavior.  I never really went to school, in fact, I am not sure how I ended up graduating.  I would hang out with my friends.  My sister wasn't home anymore.  She went off to college, graduated, and moved away.  And my brother was involved with the same thing as my father.   So my friends were my family, and to be honest, I owe them my life.  For I don't know where I would be without them today. They gave me shelter, food, warmth, and laughter.  I am pretty sure those are the basic necessities of life.

The situation at my house at this point was completely awful.  I would walk out of my bedroom and see my mother passed out in her bed, sitting in an upright position with a lit cigarette dangling between her fingers.  I would have to put it out so she didn't add to the already large amount of burn marks that were stained amongst her quilt.  The same went for my father.  You'd see him downstairs, in what we used to call his, "dungeon" sleeping while sitting up.  Shades of blue and gray flickered onto his face from the television.  It was always turned to nick-at-night.  He loved the classics.

Whenever I hit my junior year, I broke down, but I had someone very important to me step into my life.  My uncle from down the street took me in as his own.  He forced me to go to school, and he made sure I didn't have to worry about having warm water, electricity, or the bank coming to evict us from our house.  I had a home.

From that point forward there were some personal rocky paths, but I made it out.  I don't know where I'd be without everyone who gave me a hand, warmth, and love along the way.   Today, my mother is better than ever.  She's been clean for over 6 years, has a full-time job, and is living her dream to the fullest.  I don't think there are many people who I am more proud of in my life than her. I don't tell her enough though. As for my father, the last 6 months have been pretty rough.  He was arrested last January.  I'll never forget where I was when I got my first call from him while he was in jail, or the letter I wrote to him. 

He made it out in time to see me graduate with my undergarduate degree last May.  I couldn't have picked a more perfect ending.  But he soon relapsed, multiple times, over the summer.  And living at home seeing this happen again was not something I wanted to deal with.  Today, he is clean, tomorrow he may not be.  It's tough sometimes, there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about what we missed out on.  But I always tell him there are a million memories we could still create together, if he wants too take the chance and stay clean. 

What makes it especially tough sometimes is that when I was 19 years old, I found out that he wasn't my biological father.  It hit me hard. That this man, who had the biggest heart, took me and raised me like his own.  I have his sense of humor, I have the same big heart.  I'm just a little bit more handsome. 

When I find myself with this pain, I find myself doing something odd.  I find myself praying.  Personally, I don't subscribe to any specific faith or religion.  I have a hard time believing in supernatural events in large part thanks to my education.  But I do know the vital importance faith plays in our lives, and I don't know where I'd be without it.  Yea, at the end of the day, none of us know what's going on, and heck, maybe we simply pray because we need some sense of certainty and safety. Well, if that is why, then I am totally for it.  Faith changed my mother.  It made her more strong than ever, and now she is back in my life.  And I know it has the power to help a lot of people out there who are in similar situations.   Knowing what it feels like, to have a void in your life, and to know that something so simple as faith could have the power to fill it, then I completely support it.

As long as it doesn't promote any stubborn or close minded thoughts on the world that is....


I hope you all had a wonderful Monday.

Best wishes,


Mark

Sunday Night Humor

So considering this was my first day as an official "blogger"  I wanted to thank the individuals out there who took the time to read my first post with this somewhat witty, crass attempt at humor.

About two summers ago, I was working at a Country Club as a cook.  Basically, I helped run the snack shack that fed the pool goers and golfers (hence the above photo) When the hungry were not clawing at our service window like zombies moaning for brains, I had a lot of time to bounce jokes off my fellow coworkers.  One of the ongoing jokes was a list comprised of the top ten things you should never say during a first date.

Here is the list.

10.  So after this date would you like to come home and see my puppet collection ?

9.  Yea, so two disorderly conducts and a lifetime ban from chuckee cheese's, what a weekend!

8. Have a sip, don't worry, I got rid of my herpes.

7. Sometimes when I get real excited, I fart.

6.  Listen, let's cut to the chase.  Am I getting lucky ?

5. The last time I was here, I got food poisoning. 

4. I brought you here because it's cheap.

3.  I cry a lot.

2.  What do you mean that's not your name ?

1. Sorry, I have to take this call, it's my wife.



So there you have it.

Enjoy !

Best,


Mark

Sunday Morning Breakfast

Why am I writing this blog?  I'm not completely sure, for I don't believe it is possible to give a solid answer.  I can say this,  I now find myself at the age of 23, going for a Master's Degree, enjoying life, and consistently finding new things to question and learn about.  Moreover, I am always trying to make sense of the foggy world we live in.

About 2 weeks ago I woke up one morning and headed into work.  I was bored.  What do most people do when their bored? Well, If I had to guess I'd say watch TV, read a book, play video games, or go outside and play.  I decided to sit down and write a paper on the metaphysics of existence, and create a logical argument on how all things exist to a degree.  I don't know why, but this is where I find my mind at most parts of the day.  If you have ever ran into me at a party, I am most likely in one of two different forms.  You may find me in a very relaxed, lets have a blast and dance our asses off form, or you may say something that gets me on a tangent where I exuberently expell a bunch of information.  You most likely walk away after this, because let's face it, it's the weekend and were not in the classroom.

I realize now I'm just different.  Very different.  For example, sometimes I want to cook up a storm and create fancy dinners, other times I want to "chill" with the "bros" and free style rap like " we all be gangstas."  You may be laughing, but I'm serious.  Sometimes I just like to hide away into a book; lock myself into a different universe, a different time. At some moments I just want to sit and talk to somebody who I can connect with, someone who has goals, works hard, but can balance a social life along with it.

I don't know what I'll end up doing with my career in the long run.  I have many goals, many plans, many dreams.  I've done a lot already and I am eager to do more.  But a good friend once told me, " Mark, life is what happens while you're making plans."  I loved it, but I also knew he took it from John Lennon.  Still, that is the single most truth out there, that and death.

A lot of us are at a point in our lives where we are scared.  Where the real world is looming ever closer and stress starts to build up.  High levels of cortisol make us ask, " have I done everything right with my life so far?"  These are all very natural things. Never once feel like you're alone.  Yet,  the only solid advice I have ever been able to offer is this, 1. If perhaps you have made mistakes in your past, learn from it!  The single greatest opportunity in the world is a brand new day, and baby, we get one after another. 2.  If you don't get exactly what you were reaching for, it's not the end of the world.  In fact, life has a funny way of opening and closing doors all the time.  Some say it's for a reason, others say we merely make reason out of the things that happen, but either way, there is reason none the less.  So please, grasp onto it and make it yours!  3.  We live in a society where success is measured by career paths and income.  But I don't have to go too deep into it to explain to you that true happiness is a matter of finding something you love, not something everyone else has told you that you love.  So my last bit of advice would be this, always work hard, understand life is going to come at you out of left field, but just be prepared to enjoy the unknown.  As long as you keep on working hard, everything will be alright.  And let's face it, if we knew what was going to happen every day, what would be the fun in waking up and living it!

:)

Mark